When I was studying (or, as was the case in third year, not) at my first post-secondary institution, I was in only the second cycle of the ‘laptop programs’. It was the early 2000’s, you see, and no one had yet discovered the potential for utter distraction posed by personal computers (and non-academic software) in the classroom. Granted, it WAS a computer programming course, but much of what resulted was students throwing one-hundred-eighty-player Counterstrike LAN parties right in the middle of Professional Management.

…didn’t they realize that if they were going to host a game, it should be Worms World Party? The tactical war-fighter starring the cutest lil’ invertebrates ever to blow each other up, Worms has been mortars o’ fun since 1995. Since my first contact with this still-fantastic oldie in school, it’s been the repeat subject of LAN parties in my own home. The 2001 PC CD-ROM, also available for PS1, Dreamcast, and GBA offers single-player campaigns and a map editor, as well. Whatever the mode of play, WWP exhibits fluid animation, a lovably goofy art style, and humorous dialogue in languages from around the world. It also features a buttload of map-making assets and map-destroying artillery–that’s sure to please.

The weather’s getting finer, and you’re commuting to and from work or your final exams faster than the frozen snail’s pace of winter. You know you’re not going to be on the road long, not long enough to study… but it’s so hard to procrastinate when you’re just sitting there. You can’t get involved in an epic story, a deep study of item statistics, or even finish a long stage. You want something that is engaging to play, but that you can pick back up right where you left off the next time you’re caught in your busy bind.

You want Chu Chu Rocket. If you were any kind of conscious in the early Dreamcast days, you know about the cat-and-mouse chase game that actually starred bipedal cats and mutant blue-eared mice. The object is to guide said mice to the goal, a giant rocket that will ostensibly blast them off to their cat-free home planet, but ah! That is easier said than done.

The only communication at your disposal comes in the form of arrow panels that, when placed, guide the hapless rodents in roughly the right direction–or, if you so choose, the direction of their utter annihilation. It’s all up to you to steer the Chu Chus clear of the bottomless vortices and yawing cat maws that imperil their course in this play-god puzzler. In 4-player matches, it becomes critical that the murdered mice not be yours; in Puzzle Mode, not even a single one may perish. Again, this is a thinker, and again, you can count on doing it right within the allotted 30 seconds, or not doing it at all and facing your day with the shame of having murdered many cute things.

They may be called Red, Blue, and Yellow, their enemies with names to match, but they’re pretty great names in my book. So great, that I’m giving them double-billing in a double-feature here. The reason dates back to 1993, when Treasure produced its first-ever chef d’oeuvre (a video game) on the Sega Genesis console. It became a much-rehashed legend for twelve years until the longed-for sequel was finally granted: and the Gunstar Heroes graduated to Gunstar Super Heroes. Today, the original rock ‘em/sock ‘em, shoot ‘em up/run ‘n gun is available on the Wii Virtual Console, the sequel on the Game Boy Advance.

I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t like the premise of these games. You blow stuff up. You have insane acrobatic manouvers to make your body as good a weapon as your very versatile gun. You can throw people, including a second player, and grenades right back at your enemies in the original game; in Super Heroes, you can pull out a big frakin’ bazooka to fire huge blasts of your regular weapon energy, and turn several levels around in full 360-degree motion. It’s frenetic, flashy, loopy, Empire-fighting fun.

Gunstar is an instant classic in a long-quiet genre, one you owe it to yourself to try at least 10,000 times, and then some more until you beat these on Expert difficulty. You can get it on the cheap here, but sometimes, you get more than what you pay for.