I’m afraid the moment I’ve not-so-casually alluded to will finally, almost, nearly arrive in 23 more hours: the moment my stint at ButtonSmasher ends, and with it, possibly even the blog itself. It’s been nice knowing you, dear readers–or at least imagining you, as I more often have, as you read and wondered, “why does this writer wait to make her first post on the last day of the month?” and, “isn’t there some other, more worthwhile torture I could enact on my brain?” Though the likelihood of your existence was never high, I’ve continued to write for you, and for my money, for just one month short of a year now, about games that were sometimes better known to me than the language of Swahili. I think my enthusiasm lit up the place like a dim bulb, in the end, and it failed to impress. I’m sorry to everyone.

Well, amidst any tearful departure, there’s always a craving for some good news. My Xbox 360 has mysteriously regained its ability to work, just in time for me to have no further posts to write. And I can’t use it to play Broken Sword: The Sleeping Dragon, an original Xbox port of a swell throwback/update to the PC adventure genre, that, true to form, comes full of sass and pith and novel goings-on. And just look at that box art, an artistic abomination only a child of the 80’s could love. All is as it should be, I am in my happy place. Anyone want a 360 that can never die?

Samba de Amigo finally hits the Wii–geez, that only took as long as a Spanish holiday, or the saying I’m actually looking for. I’m not even too late on this one either, as it’s been only 3 days or so since the release; for once, the game should still be available. Official maraca mods not on the horizon.

Another one hot off the presses is Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility, which hadn’t been raking in the best rankings pre-release, but I’m betting it’s not the shovel-full that is a typical Wii game, either. I love Harvest Moon; I’ll always love its quaint, Chibi-headed painting of a simple country life, surrounded by good-hearted folk and too-cute, smell-less, immortal animals, told over and over with as few modifcations as possible. Harvest Moon is one of the warmest gaming fuzzies imaginable and I’ll maim any reviewer who says otherwise.

What else… well, whatever Myth Makers: Orbs of Doom might be besides a game, ‘orbs’ and ‘doom’ figure prominently in the title and that’s reason enough for me to recommend it. Final lesson: the less time and resources spent marketing, the more extravagantly stupid the title, means the more chance the game might actually be good.

I don’t really know what else is new and shaking in this industry, so the time is probably ripe that I left it. Or at least took a break.

See you somewhere on the flipside, perhaps. Keep on your happy button-smashing.

There are those who can afford to drive, those who can’t, and those who just can’t drive anything that isn’t on a screen in third-person view. If only driving tests were done in a game–a fantastically unrealistic game, where every motorist drives a Ferrari or a lemon to show off the Ferraris; where you take only the most picturesque coastal road, then mountain trail, then Roman Coliseum in unlikely succession; where you get points and whoops of joy from your passenger for making the widest turns possible; and, while most crashes flip your convertible about 10 feet straight into the air, where the driver remains snugly seated and along with the vehicle, perfectly unharmed.

Oh, and there would be so many more tests than just driving–memory, arithmetic, behind-the-wheel photography, heart-collecting for some reason… and they’d all give you fireworks, new cars, new music, and new items in your gallery every time you did really well.

If they had such a test, I suspect it might look a little something..

Like this.

My soccer expertise may extend only as far as putting the spotted sphere into the netted receptacle, but I do know a fun game–better, apparently, than TopTenREVIEWS.com, and whatever reviews they pulled to get the mediocre average score seen here. The beauty of FIFA Street 2 is, someone like me can get out of it the same value as someone who posesses vast knowledge of line-side violations and player formations, or of the 320 professional ballers who make up the roster. (I don’t even know whether I’ve embarrassed myself in writing that sentence… )

This is not authentic football (yes! I know one F), and with no aspirations to that end, I have no problem understanding the self-evident truth of FIFA Street 2. EA BIG! has made it easy-to-play, pared it of anything but the primordial rules of competition, and given you the stats you need not to choose a crappy team (or purposely do so to equalize an uneven multiplayer playing field). Video tutorials and training modes ensure that you get a handle of Passing, Shooting, Tricking, and the rest, which mostly comprise single button presses and only ask that you do more complicated maneuvers for your own enjoyment. The graphics give national flavour to the venues, and as always, the players look and move pretty good. Character Creation and court customization can go a long way to making the Street games more fun–but like choosing a blue ball on the Amsterdam court, you’ll lose sight of the real fun if you tamper too much.

Just be sure to enjoy the beautiful game in 2, because apparently the recently-released third FIFA Street sucks.

After the dissolution of any company, its talents (if any) must seek gainful employment elsewhere. I believe in the case of Acclaim, makers of the 90s’ most dearly-beloved basketball games, the talents were at best scooped up by EA for future employment–or, at worst, their work imitated to perfection–in the NBA Street series. Either way, it’s a wonderful happenstance that I should have tried the arcade-style dunk-fest that stars Mario and the Beastie Boys (in the Gamecube version, anyway). NBA Street V3 may feature real-life pros and their teams, but the drama is anything but as they tirelessly perform the wildest b-balling tricks you can muster. Thanks to use of the Trick Stick, these come off as effortlessly as watching a game on TV, and each motion capture has just as completely natural an appearance. Even the obnoxious announcer’s colourful commentary adds to the atmosphere on the street. As chock-full of customization as an EA game ever was, there’s no end to the fantasy in this professional league–and that’s why it makes a good video game.

…but you can by the A/C as you play SSX3

If the recent heat has rendered you slow as molasses in the race for the nearest shade this summer, well, that’s too bad. For those of us who lack a pool or the willingness to use one, nothing can prevent spontaneous human combustion outside of precious air conditioning, its uncaring hum a cruel mockery as you cast longing glances at the wavy mirage-world outside.

If you’d like to command the winter from your TV set, however, check the false sub-zero forecasts and strap a board on your feet for a perfectly frosty run in SSX3. If you’ve never touched a sports game, let alone the implements of said sport, such an illusion may also hereby be granted: SSX3 makes mad tricking skillz effortlessly yours (provided you can sightlessly navigate the controller and press quite a few buttons at the same time–you’ll learn). Freestyle and Race with fluid ease, the big thrills of big air, and frequent visual fireworks (literally) to the tune of the Chemical Brothers and The Ceasars, then dress up your character to your fantastic fancy so that they might freeze their rear as you cannot. It’s a graphically-adept retreat from reality, made proudly in Canada, land of ice and snow and insatiable summer thirst alike.

Differences between the Gamecube and Xbox version include full music tracks and graphical upgrades in the latter; similarities include the same kickass game.

As a matter of fact, there is no other quite like the rare pearl we’re fetching out of the deeps today. Just as in the games themselves there are lots of imitators, but only one winged badass from the past is the real deal, no game, rail-shooter or otherwise, can quite compare to Panzer Dragoon. ICO and its ilk tap into the same vein of silent dialogue and speaking images, ancient artistry and mysticism, but Panzer Dragoon comprises also a strange, alternate-past vision of the future and a timeless part of humanity: war.

Panzer Dragoon Orta was released in 2003 by Smilebit, Sega’s then-newly-formed development house that adopted some cast-off members of Team Andromeda. The game stays authentic to the Saturn originals of the mid-90’s with fierce speed (and difficulty), 360-degree rotation and really, really pretty graphics. It’s also supported by the Xbox360’s emulator, so you can run it in some (albeit a slightly reduced) capacity on the newer hardware. I recommend it for some gritty shooting action that still manages to look like poetry in motion.

It had three show-stealing arcade installments, and strong home ports of each — okay, so the Saturn version was hurting bad for stronger hardware, and I hear the third game on Xbox was a bit iffy. Anyway, it made one innovative foray into keyboarding practice software — well, typing zombies to death in a contest of words-per-minute was a little strange when you had a Dreamcast lightgun lying next to you, still hot from II. Don’t forget, there was the theatrical release… that no one saw, but that the trailers assured took place on a tropical island and had nothing at all to do with any video game in the known universe.That about sums up Sega’s House of the Dead line, which a few years ago, after so much half-assed horror-filmesque effort, seemed to have vanished without a trace. It certainly was no slouch for sales, because whether I have figures on hand or not, I know how many of my dollars went into the Jeep-sized coin-op arcade cabinets. As with the Jurassic Park machine, the second I set foot in a video-operated recreational environment, I was drawn to the a big black box with a screen with the high cause of shooting zombies inside it.

So how is it that the Wii was bequeathed a compilation of House of the Dead II & III and I didn’t know about it? Damned unceremoniously, that’s how. I’m not sure I’m getting out enough, but since there’s not even an image from the sellers here for the thing, the release seems like a weak jab destined to quietly fade into undeath. Take this advice from me and get it while you can. I know I will.