Roller derby is a making a big-time comeback — and the girls are getting wild! This is a full-body contact sport where the tougher you are on the rink, the louder you fall, the harder you use your elbows, the more the crowds adore you. (With rink names like Broadzilla, Eva Destruction and Myna Threat, you know these are not people to be messed with.) As writer Brian Haney puts it, “Clobbering one’s opponents is not only legal, but highly encouraged.”

I’m still waiting for derby wear to show up at my local Target. But quad skates are everywhere.

Since I know nothing about skates, I’m going to venture that the more you spend, the better you get.

That’s why my pair — when this lower back pain eases, mind you! — will be a set of Riedell Vandal Derby Quads. These pitbulls of the roller rink cost $274. The description talks about things like plates, wheels, bearings and top stops. (You can get “optional jam plugs,” while you’re at it, whatever they are.)

Reviewer Princess Rotten declares, “Put these babies on and you’ll be flyin around that rink. Perfect fit. Super smooth and derby tough!!!” Anything that gets said with three exclamations surely must be true, right?

So, until that lower back problem dissipates, I’ll spend my time thinking up a rink name for myself… Derby Di is a bit milquetoast. Di Another Day? Bomba Mama? I’ll keep working on that. In the meantime, watch that jammer. She is coming through, headin’ for you!!!

Posted on June 26th, 2008 by dian