Batman is flying through the house, trying to “rescue” the kitten, who just wants to escape under a bed — or anyplace out of range of his grabby little bat gloves. I think it’s time for this six-year-old to get into his bath, without a mask on. We must be close to Halloween, because bags of candy are getting stashed in hidden storage places, and suddenly, orange is the preferred color. That, plus the usual play attire — a naked body — prefers to be dressed up like, well, Batman.

So in light of the coming month, here are a few ghoulish gadgets that might help make this the spookiest October 31st of your adult life…

This six-foot witch cackles a spell and swivels her hips like she’s got something truly nasty cooking.

Here’s a ghost with flashing eye sockets, skeletal hands, and a nylon cloak that will float in the breezes outside your front door.

Now, I’m not much into inflatables, like giant Santa train globes, because I think they tend to look cheesy. Plus, they really suck up the power at a time when that’s not what we should be doing. But not everybody feels that way, so here’s a rather intimidating object you might like to use in decorating your front yard (or dining room table, if it’s large enough!) — an eight-foot red and black inflatable spider. Like the ghost, this creepy critter’s eyes flash. But somehow, when you’re talking eight feet worth of spider, flashing eyeballs is really just icing on the cake, no?

And finally, a six-foot realistic collapsible coffin. (Vampire not included.)

This one may be of special interest particularly for those of you with six-year-olds of your own: “Son, if you don’t get into that bath right now, I’m going to have to bring out the you-know-what and put you-know-who inside of it!” And after all, isn’t that what the major holidays of the coming three months are about — keeping the kids in line?

Many years ago, I had a friend visit from Santa Barbara, and she’d changed since we’d last seen each other. The major focus of her interest at the time was colonic enemas and how cleansing they were. Yuck, right? I mean, how much talking can you do about that subject over glasses of wine before the conversation kind of closes down?

That friend, whom I haven’t seen nor heard from since, came to mind when I caught wind (no pun!) of another similar movement (another non-pun!), this one involving foot spas that promise to “cleanse” your body of toxins. You soak your feet while this device plows ions into the water, and voila! During the process, the water changes color, signifying that the bad stuff is leaving your body, to get thrown out with the bath water.

For $190, the Dual Ionic Ion Detox Aqua Foot Spa Chi Cleanse Machine provides you with the capability to detoxify with the one you love (After all, I couldn’t imagine going into detox with somebody you didn’t love…) and says it performs “internal cleansing with full body purge, [enhancing the] immune system.” Plus, it “inactivates viruses, bacteria, yeast or fungus” and provides “relief of joint pains.” According to the description, you will enjoy “increased energy and reduced stress.”

Best of all, it includes a built-in MP3 player, so you can listen to music while getting healthier (or at least a little cleaner).

As the experts in these matters point out, there’s one born every minute (and many of those end up in Santa Barbara). Personally, if I wanted to see liquid change color to prove that the science is working right, I’d go for a Scientific Explorer’s Tasty Science Chemistry in the Kitchen Kit. After all, I’d save about $170, plus I’d get the chance to make fizzing grape flavor-ade.

Here’s a cool gift idea: a waterproof action camera from Oregon Scientific. The ATC2K is a hands-free digital camera that attaches to your helmet or handlebars and lets you capture video and audio clips of your recreational activities. Think snowboarding, mountain biking, even inner-tubing.

The captured footage can be replayed on a television or you can edit it on a PC and either share the action with friends through an Internet connection or copy it back to the camera.

Even with two AA batteries (not included), it only weighs half a pound, which means your headgear won’t be shuddering back and forth like a bobblehead. Video is delivered in 640 X 480 VGA at 30 frames per second, and the output can be edited with most video editing software. The 32 megabytes of on-board memory is expandable to 2 gigabytes with the built-in SD card slot (also not included, even though the photo shows otherwise).

And you don’t have to worry about wipeouts. The ATC2K is shock resistant and waterproof up to 10 feet for extreme conditions. Play hard and prove it to your friends!

Took my first camping trip of the summer, and I have to say, it astonishes me to discover how presumably respectable and mature adults will spend their time in the great outdoors. That’s right. I’m talking about war. As in water war. As in fought with the gnarliest water gun you can get your hands on. I mean, some of these weapons surely came out of ultra-secret Department of Defense labs, intended to reduce their victims to quivering masses of Michelob Light-seeking deserters, ready to turn on teammates with merely a whisper of the words, “Ha! Gotchya!!”

Take the Waterball 100 Water Gun. Thirteen bucks will buy you a launcher built to shoot 40 balls of water a minute from a range of six to 20 feet. As the seller proclaims, “With that kind of firepower, there’s little chance anyone within the range of these pool toys will stay dry!” Or, I might add, that you’ll ever be invited back to that particular pool party.

Here’s the Double Barrel Water Gun, that, because it can shoot up to 50 feet, is “perfect for a sneak attack.”

Finally, I present the Stream Machine Water Gun. This one is two feet long, holds up to 16 ounces of water and fires up to 70 feet. Plus, it’s easy to reload. Just put the barrel into water and pull back.

All I can say is, a person’s gotta do what a person’s gotta do. Ha! Gotchya!!

If my dad were still around, here’s what I’d try to pick up for him for Sunday: a gas-powered party blender. This in spite of the fact that he was a Budweiser guy. Face it, this gadget is cool! He’d have found a use for it!

Picture this. It’s Father’s Day. Hot afternoon out on the deck. Your dad grabs the ingredients for the Hussong’s Cantina margarita recipe: tequila, Mexican Controy or Cointreau, fresh-squeezed lime juice and ice. He dumps in equal amounts of tequila, Controy and lime juice, tops up the container with ice, and cranks the engine. Hold onto those handlebars to rev up the action. Then pour into frosty, salted glasses and pass around. He’ll be the most popular guy on the block — invited to untold numbers of outdoor BBQs!

The most powerful edition has a 4-stroke engine. But if your dad is new to drinking, you might want a 2-stroke starter edition.

And gas prices be damned! The guy gets recognition only one day a year!